Title: If You Pass Through My Soul Tonight
Author: marchwarden23
Pairing: Glorfindel/Erestor, Glorfindel/Ecthelion
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own none of these darling elves so
please don't sue. All I have is my slowly growing
Luichiny collection.
Warning: Angsty, suicidal tendencies...but with a
happy ending.
Beta: None, my apologies for any painful syntax.
Summary: Glorfindel talks to his first love in a
dream, and finds a new love come morning.
Authors Note: Angst is not my specialty, but this one
came to me while I was having a particularly relaxing
bubble bath and drifting off. Thanks to FOTN for the
inspiration.


"Would you pay life's pleasure to see me? Does it hurt
for I wanted you to remain?"

"Yes. What good is a second chance with with no
purpose left? There is no pleasure here. I would die a
second time to be together with you."

"There is purpose, you just haven't opened your eyes
to it yet. Let go of your pain. Let go of me."

"Never. I owe you my heart, be my shelter and refuge
for the night. You were...are the love of my life. All
around me lies the litter of eternity, but empty
without you."

"Am I all that you have left in this necrologue of
love?"

"I felt alive with you."

"You are alive now."

"No. I'm not. I merely breathe and live on because I
had no choice. I was given this empty life and you
were given death. I envy you."

"Do not envy this. Do not rush towards death. I stand
alone inside you. I am with you always. I release
you."

"No!"

Glorfindel awoke sobbing, Ecthelion's name on his
lips. The light from the moon shone through the open
balcony doors bathing the room with a silver glow and
giving his surroundings an ethereal cast. He could
still hear his long-dead lover's voice in his ears,
could still feel the cool fingertip as it brushed his
cheek before the dream left him alone and mourning for
yet another night. The tears flowed down his cheeks as
he repeated Ecthelion's name over and over in broken
whispers, his arms tightly folded across his chest,
his body shivering. The cruelty of being reborn was
his curse and his legend, for the Valar were too cruel
to suffer themselves and would never know what true
loss felt like.

Glorfindel wept still as he reached for the small boot
knife on his bedside table, unsheathing it and
watching the silver light play across it's gleaming
edge. The golden hilt was inlaid with delicate
cabochons of lapis, the deep blue smouldering with a
life of it's own as the moonlight caught their rounded
shapes. This knife was the last gift he had gotten
from Ecthelion, an anniversary present, before they
were forever parted by the inevitable fate of war. The
razor edge and the blue depths blurred and dissolved
as tears sprang anew, remembering the moment that had
caused him to lose all desire to live himself, to only
bring death and not care if his own followed. And
swiftly it did, both blessing and reviling the foul
creature that dragged him to his death. His last
thoughts were with his beloved and how they would meet
again in Mandos' halls, together forever in a realm
ever splendid.

It was only fitting to plunge this blade deep into his
heart, ending the pain forever. Days that blended into
one vast horizon of entropy, nights that were filled
with visions of his past that the Valar did not see
fit to erase, but instead to haunt him with for all of
eternity. What use to be reborn with only memories and
torment of what he can never have?

He steadied the blade over his swiftly beating heart
and shut his eyes as he pressed into flesh, feeling
the sharp tip break the skin. Warm blood coursed down
his chest and was quickly soaked up by the silk sheets
around his hips. He knew if he hesitated further he
would lose his resolve, the lightheadedness causing
his grip to falter.

"Do not do this, beloved."

His eyes flew open and scanned the room only to find
it empty.

"This is not your fate."

The voice was inside his mind, it's melody curling
like tendrils around his pain, easing it into
submission. The voice was Ecthelion's, full of pain,
pity, fear.

"Please. You mustn't do this."

Glorfindel held the knife still, intending to end this
quickly. "Why?"

"There is one who loves you. Who wants to see you live
and be reborn in every sense of the word."

"And I love you! This is the only way...." Glorfindel
was almost shouting to the empty room, his eyes wild
with tears, his voice thick with desperation.

"There is one right before you who has been trying to
help you if you'd only see what he's doing. See him."

"I want no help. I want only release." Glorfindel
squeezed his eyes shut, tightened his grip on the
jeweled hilt and as the tip penetrated flesh once
again, smooth, strong hands gripped his wrists and
held them fast.

"Forget your fears and want no more." A smooth voice
caressed his fevered soul, calming him almost
immediately. He allowed the gentle hands to pry the
knife from his failing grip and wipe the tears from
his cheeks.

Glorfindel opened his eyes and stared into dark,
piercing orbs framed by skin as white as the moon and
hair as black as the night sky.

"Erestor? Why...? How...? You weren't meant to see me
like this." Glorfindel hung his head in shame, unable
to meet the open gaze of the dark, mysterious
councilor.

"I was coming back to my chambers from the library and
I heard your voice. The anguish in your cries...I
thought you were having a nightmare so I checked on
you. I'm so very glad I did. Why this? Are you so
tormented? So tired of the suffering? Of being alone?"
Erestor released Glorfindel's wrists and entwined
their fingers, reassuring the captain. He stared
deeply into bright blue eyes that now looked at him,
wide with disbelief.

Glorfindel's astonished gaze spoke volumes. "How do
you know?" He felt so vulnerable at that moment,
unsure if he should say more. Could he trust this
quiet, secretive elf?

"I know what it is like to have loved and lost,
Glorfindel. I know what loneliness is." Erestor
swallowed a sob, knowing he had to be strong for this
traumatised elf before him. "You don't have to live a
life of emptiness, shutting out so many who care about
you, who love you. You just have to let them in."

Glorfindel looked down at the knife on the bed, it's
bloody tip glinting black in the dark of the room.
Tears flowed anew as regret washed over him, his body
shaking with emotion and exhaustion. Slender arms
wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him close and
guiding his head to rest against a delicate neck, the
cool satin of midnight hair soothing flushed skin as
it drifted over them both. He felt his eyes slowly
closing and a healing sleep overtake him. The last
thing Glorfindel knew was the feeling of being laid
down, sheets pulled up around him as a warm body
curled up behind him, whispering in his ear "I will
hold you until you awake. No nightmares will disturb
your slumber or mine. I am by your side should you
need me for anything."

Erestor felt the strong body relax in his embrace as
they lay together, heard the breathing become steady
and assuming sleep had a hold of Glorfindel, added
even more quietly "No more will you be lonely, for I
love you, Glorfindel and I will do whatever I can to
show you this."

With those words echoing in his ears, Glorfindel fell
into the most restful sleep since his rebirth,
comforted, strengthened, and renewed.

The morning light gently nudged Gorfindel's eyes open,
only to greet him with a sight of unparalelled beauty.
There, in his arms was the distant and radiant
councilor, fast asleep and still holding on tightly,
seemingly unmoved from his position when they fell
asleep. Glorfindel looked at the sun streaming over
the dark hair, bringing out deep burgundy highlights,
the smooth alabaster skin glowing with an internal
light, the dark lashes at half mast over deep
chocolate eyes, the pale pink lips, full and parted,
fine angles of cheek and jawline sweeping up to
perfect points on delicate ears. He was in awe that
Erestor intervened last night and was moved by the
choice he made to spend the night close by to assure
the warrior. He was moved further still by Erestor's
quiet admission of love.

To answer his own question from the previous night,
Glorfindel lightly stroked the silken midnight tresses
and whispered "Yes, I do believe I *can* trust this
elf."


END

"True love is a durable fire in the mind ever burning,
Never sick, never old, never dead,
From itself never turning."