Title: Who ever said elves were Vanilla?
Author: Nightley
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Erestor/Glorfindel, Lindir/Rumil, Haldir/Celeborn,
Orophin/Legolas, Elrond/Melpomaen/Thranduil, Elladan/Elrohir, ?/?
Disclaimers: I'd like them to be mine but unfortunately someone
named Tolkien got in before me.
Summary: Who's talking about the sex-capdes of the elves?
Notes: Oh what weird things come out of my head. My muse was on
holidays and had taken all the rabbits with him; but decides to pop
in for a visit and give me this!

~*~

"Do you think they do?"

"Do what? Bend each other over and rut like.."

A huff of breathe. "Well, really. You know I didn't mean it as crass
as that"

"I know but it's fun to rile you up" Smirking as usual.

"Yes well. Do you think that on their desks was the original
question!"

"Valar yes. I think they do it on every conceivable surface. I mean
have you looked at them recently. I'd take either of them anywhere I
could get them"

"I guess it's a good thing Glorfindel and Erestor are loyal then"

Smack!

"Hey, just because you want to fuck them doesn't mean that their
monogamy is a bad thing. And anyway do you have to drool over others
when you're with me"

"Awww, you know I love you. I may joke about bedding others but I
would never hurt you by actually doing so. Forgive me?"

Sigh. "You know I do"

"Tell you what, I'll tell you what the others get up to and perhaps
we'll go see what of it we can try out"

.

"Oh, All right"

"Well then, sit down and listen to my tale."

Smack!

"All right, all right. That was a little too dramatic. Anyway. you
should hear some of the stuff that Elrond and Thranduil do with
Melpomaen"

"Shocking huh?"

"Please do not be so flippant, you may need to take notes for later"

Eyes roll.

"Anyway! Elrond and Thranduil apparently have a flexible little
lover in that cute little scribe. They bend him into weird and
wonderful shapes so that they can have their wicked way with him. I
heard the easiest position is called `The Pretzel'"

"Ouch, I've seen a real pretzel. I can't see that being very
comfortable"

"Yes, I do think the most important word is `flexible'"
Laughing. "However they get him into these position, which was
apparently his idea to start with; tired of old vanilla I suspect,
and either take turns plundering his back passage"

"'Back Passage', I think it's a little late for you to try and be
subtle. And anyway I've heard that that occasional fuck him at the
same time"

"I heard that too but wasn't sure it was possible"

"Oh it is. oh don't look so surprised, I've had other before I met
you. And I've done it before with two"

"I'm seeing this whole new side to you. May I inquire as to which
lovely two elves got the chance?"

"Yes, you may but I find most elves too small for my liking. I went
and found a couple of strapping men. They tend to be thicker.
heavier."

"You're drooling now"

"Well what can I say, don't knock it until you tried it"

"You know if it wasn't for the fact that I know you love my cock,
I'd be insecure about now"

"Oh don't worry dear, you're big!"

"Thank you"

"Welcome"

.

"Anyway. we seem to be saying that a lot. oh well, anyway back to
the subject at hand. I found out that Legolas was fortunate enough
to walk into his fathers room whilst the three of them were going at
it. Although he didn't think so, Orophin did however. Because no
matter how much Legolas complained; he did automatically search out
his lover and give him the riding of his life"

"He probably wouldn't have so vocally complain if his father hadn't
been part of the 'pile'."

"How do you mean?"

"Would you want to confess to your own father that you found him
hot? It's one thing for it to be known by the action that followed.
I wouldn't be speaking it and making it more real!"

"True, and if nothing else it got those two out of their boring sex
life"

"Hmmm, I know what you mean. Now they were vanilla! But last I heard
there were a few Mirkwood horses walking around looking traumatised"

Raised eyebrow.

"On the horse you twit, not 'with' the horses"

"Just checking!"

"Now that Celeborn! He's hung like a horse"

"I thought I was the crass one"

"Oh you are but have you ever had the chance to see him and Haldir
going at it"

"Unfortunately not yet. You know they took so long to get together.
I haven't been back to Lorien in ages"

"Hmmm yes, stubborn jack-asses. Well I got to see them in action"

Thinking hard. "You mean that night in the forest?.."

"Hmmm yes"

"Hmmm, I think we need to travel to Lorien soon"

"Yes well, Lindir's travelling there soon, to meet up with Rumil.
Perhaps we should keep him company on the trip"

"But of course. What a splendid idea, I don't like the thought of
our little one travelling without one of us watching over him"

"That's because you're a protective papa. How long was it before you
accepted Rumil as his life mate?"

Sulking. "Eighty-nine years"

"And our son is fine! Happier then ever. and talking about him
hasn't rid you of your erection has it"

"no.sorry"

Lorien looked into his lovers face. And reaching out a hand, gently
stroked Namo's face.

"Come on then" Lorien grinned wickedly. "And I'll do to you dear
lover, that little trick Elladan does to Elrohir"

Namo followed eagerly, already panting slightly. "You mean the one
with the tongue?"

"Yes.."

~*The End*~