Title: The Trouble with Slayers
Author: TICS
Rated: R
Genre: Humor, Slash
Pairing: Erestor/Glorfindel
Summary: It's Glorfindel's Rebirth-day, and Erestor leaves it to
Elladan and Elrohir to plan the party.
Author's Notes: This ficlet was written in response to the challenge at Dream Elf:
Using one of the following, as found on the `Googlism' site, write a
fanfic, incorporating the entirety of whichever of the phrases you choose.

I used the following Googleisms:

glorfindel is?

glorfindel is toast

glorfindel is ten times cuter than legolas

The Trouble with Slayers


"ERESTOR!"

Erestor picked his head up from its place between Glorfindel's thighs,
cocking his head, listening.

"Did you hear something, Fin?" he asks the blonde warrior beneath him.

"It was me, Erestor. Ignore it," Glorfindel replied, trying to push
the Advisor's dark head back down to where it had been a moment earlier.

"No, I do not think it was you, Glorfindel."

"Yes, it was. Did it sound like this? "Oh, Erestor.Ereeeeestoooor."

"No, it did not. It sounded like."

"ERESTOR!"

".like that," Erestor replied, jumping up from the bed and reaching
for his robe. "It sounds like Elrond." Wrapping his robe around his
slender form, Erestor made a beeline for the bedchamber door.

"Erestor! Erestor, we were in the middle of something, here!"
Glorfindel growled, picking his golden head up from the pillow and
glaring at the Elf who was already halfway out of the room. "Erestor?
Come back here!" His only answer was the bedchamber's door swinging
shut with a bang.

"Tell Elrond that I killed the Balrog for a lesser transgression than
this!" Glorfindel bellowed, his voice echoing in the chamber. He let
his head flop back down onto the pillow, eyeing the rather stiff
problem with which Erestor had left him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There you are! I have been looking all over for you, Erestor!" Elrond
grumbled, spotting the sleek, dark-haired Advisor scurrying toward
him. He eyed Erestor's svelte form wrapped in its thin silk robe,
cocking an eyebrow. "It is the middle of the day, Erestor. Why are
you not dressed?"

"Er.I.um." Erestor stammered, not quite willing to share the explicit
details of his morning's exploits with the Master of Imladris.

"Never mind. Have you seen Glorfindel this morning?" Elrond demanded,
although his eyes remained fixed at a point somewhere just below
Erestor's belly button.

"Glorfindel? Um.Glorfindel is.ah.Glorfindel is."

"Glorfindel is? Glorfindel is what? In the Library? On the Training
Fields? Standing on his head reciting the Lay of Leithian? What?"
Elrond asked impatiently of the flustered Advisor.

"I believe Glorfindel is in his chambers, my Lord," Erestor replied, a
bit irritated at Elrond's sarcasm.

"Good. I do not want him nosing about today.that is the trouble with
Slayers.always nosing about in cracks and crannies, looking for
trouble." He did not notice Erestor blushing as the Advisor thought of
certain cracks and crannies not adverse to a Slayer's nose being
poked. "Do you know what day it is, Erestor?"

"Tuesday, my Lord."

"Really, Erestor.do you think that I don't know what day of the week
it is? Try again."

"All you care to eat Fish Fry day at the Imladris Grill?" Erestor
replied, showing Elrond that two could play at the sarcasm game.

"You are in a mood, Erestor. You know very well what day it is.today
marks the anniversary of Glorfindel's rebirth. His ReBirth-day.how
could you have let me forget it? Are you not my Chief Advisor?" Elrond
fumed, his hands on his hips as his eyes made their way up Erestor's
form, pausing at the point where the Advisor's robe gaped open
exposing a bit of smooth, silken skin and one dusky nipple.

Erestor, fully aware of the peep show Elrond was currently enjoying,
smirked as he replied, "I did remind you, Elrond. I left notes all
over your desk and marked your calendar with a big red "X!"

"But did you remind me verbally? Did you specifically say to me,
"Elrond, tomorrow is Glorfindel's ReBirth-day? No, you did not."

"I believe that I said those very words to you yesterday morning, Elrond."

"But did you say them to me last night? No, you did not. You are
remiss in your duties, Erestor."

Erestor rolled his eyes and shook his inky tresses, not worried that
Elrond would see the exasperated look on his face since Elrond's eyes
were still transfixed by Erestor's nipple.

"What plans have you made for celebrating this day, Erestor?" Elrond
asked, still not meeting Erestor's eyes. He had noticed that
Erestor's nipple had peaked in the chill air of the hallway, and was
riveted by that small, pebbled nub.

Erestor bit his tongue, tempted to tell Elrond that he had been in the
middle of celebrating when Elrond had bellowed for him. "I have
invited guests from both Lorien and Mirkwood and I have planned for a
celebratory dinner for this evening, my Lord. All of Glorfindel's
favorite foods will be prepared as well as a large two-tier cake
commemorating his two lifetimes."

"Is that all? This is an important occasion, Erestor. It is not
everyday that we celebrate the 1000th anniversary of a former Lord of
Gondolin's rebirth!"

"What else would you have me do, Elrond?" Erestor asked, wanting
desperately to jerk Elrond's head up so that the Master of Imladris
would meet his eyes.

"I do not know.music, perhaps? Dancing is always good. Games? Pin the
Sword on the Balrog? How big is this cake.can we have someone jump out
of it?" Elrond mused, still fascinated by Erestor's nipple. He
reached out one finger and flicked it.

"Elrond! Really!" Erestor grumbled, jerking his robe closed.

"Oh, sorry.where were we? Oh, yes.Glorfindel's ReBirth-day Party.
Well, whatever we do, we cannot simply have a dinner and a cake and be
done with it. Get on it, Erestor.I leave the planning up to you."

"My Lord.I have an huge project I am currently in need of finishing
today," Erestor said, thinking of Glorfindel's huge project that he
had left rising hard and dripping and just waiting for him to "get on
it" when Erestor had jumped from the bed to answer Elrond's call.
"It is most important."

"What can possibly be more important that Glorfindel's party?" Elrond
asked, finally meeting Erestor's dark brown eyes. "Can it not wait?"

"No, my Lord.I don't think it can."

"Fine! But find someone to plan something special for tonight. Is that
understood, Erestor?"

"Aye, my Lord.will there be anything else, Elrond? I really must get
back to my work before I lose my place and have to start it all over
again."

Elrond nodded, dismissing the slender Elf. He watched Erestor's
buttocks shift under the silk fabric of his robe as the Elf trotted
quickly back down the hallway in the direction in which he had come.
Licking his lips, Elrond turned away, thinking to himself of all the
important things he'd like to work on with his Advisor, starting with
the important thing that was currently trying to force its way out of
Elrond's leggings.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor ran his fingers through his thick head of shiny black hair,
attempting to tame the smooth strands into some semblance of order as
he dashed about the House of Elrond trying to find someone to take
over the task of planning Glorfindel's ReBirth-day party. He,
himself, was under strict orders from the Slayer to return to his
rooms within the quarter hour, else suffer the Slayer's displeasure.
Not that Erestor minded the Slayer's displeasure, mind you.just the
thought of those strong hands on his own delicate backside was enough
to give rise to certain parts of Erestor that were best left unraised
as he scurried about on his errand. But time was fleeting, and Anor
had already reached her zenith.and Erestor wanted as much time alone
with Glorfindel as possible today. He had plans.so many, wonderful,
delicious plans - none of which included a packed room full of Guards
and Dignitaries, childish games, or cake. Well actually, Erestor had
to admit, one plan DID include frosting, but that was beside the point.

Still, he had no choice but to follow Elrond's order and so was
frantically combing the House looking for someone to take the burden
of planning the party from his shoulders. And at this point of the
game he cared not a whit which someone that was.

Ducking his head into the Hall of Fire, he spotted two identical
raven-haired Elves bent over a small table. At first, Erestor thought
they were playing chess and the idea of the twins laboring at such a
intellectual pursuit shocked him enough to take his mind briefly from
his errand. Bitten by curiosity, he strode into the room and peered
over Elladan's shoulder at the board on the table. It was then that
he noticed that these chess pieces were not only sans clothing, but
were crafted in complete states of arousal, and fashioned into various
convenient poses.

"Eh hem." Erestor cleared his throat, just as Elrohir's knight took
Elladan's rook in a most interesting manner.

Two sets of dark gray eyes flicked up at the Advisor. "Erestor? What
is it? You look as though you have been digging ditches!" Elladan
exclaimed, seeing the Advisor's rumpled and flushed visage.

"I am on a mission from your father," Erestor replied, his eyes
drifting over the board to where Elrohir's bishop seemed to be in the
process of checking Elladan's king, and looking quite smug about it.

"What mission is that, Erestor?" Elrohir asked, maneuvering his king
out of harm's way. Erestor could swear that the rook grimaced and
looked disappointed.

"To find someone to plan a party for Glorfindel's ReBirth-day tonight.
And guess what? I've found them," he replied, as his eyes shifted to
meet Elrohir's.

"Um.actually, Erestor.shouldn't YOU be the one planning it?" Elladan
asked, looking a bit muddled. "After all, you and he are."

"I have not the time to plan it. I have other things to which I must
attend," Erestor interrupted, looking from one twin to the other and
trying to ignore the fact that Elladan's Queen seemed to be involved
in an orgy with his pawns.

"Hmph. I am willing to bet that those "things" are attached to
Glorfindel's person," Elrohir laughed, receiving a smack in the back
of the head from Erestor for his trouble.

"Regardless.you two will plan the party. Whatever you plan, make
certain that it is in good taste or I'll have Glorfindel put you both
on latrine duty for the next millennia!" Erestor ordered, before
turning on his heel and nearly running out of the room. Fifteen
minutes had nearly passed and he needed to get back to Glorfindel's
chambers. That was the trouble with Slayers - they had no patience.
None at all.luckily for Erestor.

The twins sat watching Erestor's back as the slim Advisor flew from
the room.

"Party, huh? Any ideas?" Elladan asked of his twin.

Elrohir smiled a slow, naughty grin at his brother. "Indeed I do,
'Dan.indeed I do.several, as a matter of fact. And you're going to
love each and every one of them!" he laughed. "Your move."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorfindel entered the room with Erestor to the applause and shouted
well wishes of the packed Hall. He grinned and waved as he walked into
the room, immediately finding himself surrounded by his friends.

"Happy ReBirth-day, Glorfindel!" Elrond laughed, hugging the tall,
blonde Slayer.

"Thank you, my Lord," Glorfindel responded, patting Elrond on the
back. He tried to pull away, but Elrond refused to let go. "Um.my
Lord? Um.Elrond.I cannot greet the rest of my guests if you do not
release my buttocks."

"Oh, sorry," Elrond muttered, reluctantly removing his hands from the
Slayer's firm backside. "That was the trouble with Slayers.always in
a hurry," Elrond thought to himself. He consoled himself with hugging
Erestor.

"Over here, Glorfindel!" Elrohir shouted, waving his arms to get
Glorfindel's attention. Physically prying Elrond's hands from
Erestor's rear, he took hold of the Advisor's hand and pulled him
along in the direction of the twins.

A large chair had been festooned with ribbons and flowers, and it was
in this chair that Elladan and Elrohir forced Glorfindel to sit,
setting a wreath of flowers on the Slayer's head. The each bestowed a
kiss on Glorfindel's cheeks wishing him a happy ReBirth-day, before
scooting off and becoming lost in the crowd.

Glorfindel looked a bit disgruntled at the flowers that bedecked his
chair and his head, but swallowed his irritation and tried to make the
best of it. "Just once," he thought to himself, "I'd like to be given
a party where I am NOT made the laughing stock of Arda. Maybe play a
nice card game, get drunk and pass out. That would be my idea of a
good time!" But he said nothing, just continuing to smile and accept
the congratulations of his friends.

Erestor straightened Glorfindel's crown of flowers, which had slipped
to a rakish angle on the golden Slayer's head. Noticing Lindir and
the Imladris All-Elf Choir setting up in a corner of the room, the
Advisor begrudgingly admitted to himself that, aside from the
excessive use of floral arrangements, the twins seemed to have done a
wonderful job in planning the evening's entertainment. Lindir always
sang such soft, inspiring songs, and was one of Glorfindel's favorite
bards in all of Elrond's realm. He smiled as Lindir raised his hands
to get the attention of the crowd.

"I would like to wish Glorfindel a happy ReBirth-day, and dedicate
this first song to him. It was written by Elrohir and Elladan in
honor of this occasion, and I am most pleased to be the first to sing
it for our former Lord of the House of the Golden Flower," Lindir
said, giving the audience a small bow.

"That has to be the longest speech I've ever heard Lindir make that
was not set to music," Glorfindel whispered to Erestor, his turquoise
eyes twinkling.

Erestor didn't answer. His mind had frozen at the words, "written by
Elrohir and Elladan." He felt his privates withdraw up inside of his
body, as if fleeing from what surely would turn out to be a
catastrophe. Shooting a quick look over at Elrond, Erestor was
relieved to see that the Elf Lord had distracted himself by hugging
Thranduil of Mirkwood. Thranduil did not seem very amused at Elrond's
hugging hands, but that was not Erestor's concern.

The crowd settled down as the musicians struck up a jaunty tune, and
Lindir began to sing:

"He was a Lord of Gondolin
Where he lived with all his kin
Till Morgoth breached the wall
And watched the city fall.

To the mountains do they speed
But the Balrog disagrees.
Fin fights their flaming host
But poor Glorfindel is toast.

He's a lover and a fighter
make your night a little brighter
he's a rebel and a player
he's the reborn Balrog Slayer.


Still he does the Balrog in
Even though he doesn't win.
To the Halls poor Fin is sent
And begrudgingly, he went.

In the Halls did poor Fin wait
Till Náámo opened up the gate
Sending Fin to live again
With us, his new-found friends.

He's a lover and a fighter
make your night a little brighter
he's a rebel and a player
he's the reborn Balrog Slayer.

His hair is golden silk
His skin, as white as milk
His legs, a half-mile long
As is his fabled dong.

But Erestor's made a claim
On his long and lanky frame
And he'll fight you tooth and nail
For his slayer's shapely tail.

He's a lover and a fighter
make your night a little brighter
he's a rebel and a player
he's the reborn Balrog Slayer.


Erestor had begun to relax as the song went on, even going so far as
to take a sip of wine.but by the end of the song he was spraying the
table with the red liquid, his face as red as the Cabernet. Shooting a
glance at Glorfindel, he saw that the Slayer had turned a ghastly
shade of fuschia, and Erestor thought for certain that Glorfindel's
new nickname would be the Lindir-slayer.

However, at just that moment voices began to loudly cheer as Elladan
and Elrohir (both of who Erestor made a mental note to thrash soundly
when the party was over) were helping to carry in what might possibly
be the most enormous cake Erestor had ever seen.

Nearly as tall as an Elf, the white-frosted confection was bedecked
with golden sugar-florets, looping, lacy green icing ivy, and several
tall candles. The twins and the two bakers who carried it set it down
on the table before Glorfindel, completely blocking the Elf from the
eyes of the rest of the partygoers.

"Happy Rebirth-day, Glorfindel!" the twins cried, as the crowd
continued to applaud.

Glorfindel swallowed his irritation at the lyrics to the bawdy song,
and stood on a chair to blow out his candles. Just as he took a deep
breath, the entire top of the cake exploded.

Covered in white icing, Glorfindel scraped the gooey mess from his
eyes with both hands. There standing on the table where the glorious
cake had been not a moment ago, was Legolas Thrandullion, completely
naked and dripping with white frosting and a few golden sugar-florets.

"SURPRISE!" Legolas shouted, spreading his arms out wide.

"Legolas?" Erestor whispered, aghast at the sight of the naked Prince.

"Legolas!" Thranduil thundered, furious at the sight of his naked son.

"Ooh.dessert!" Elrond exclaimed, clapping his hands at the sight of
the naked Wood-Elf.

"I.am.going to.kill.you." hissed Glorfindel rising up from where he
had fallen on the floor when the cake exploded. "All three of you,"
he continued, glaring at Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir. Turning to
Elrond and Thranduil he said, "You two had better get to work on
producing a couple of new heirs, because I'm going back to the Halls
and I'm taking these three with me!"

The grins on three younger Elves' faces faltered, slipping away as
they realized that the Slayer was most certainly NOT amused.

"That's the trouble with Slayers.no sense of humor!" Elladan shouted
as he, his brother, and Legolas took off with Glorfindel in hot pursuit.

Celeborn chuckled as the naked Wood Elf scrambled past his table,
followed closely by Elladan, Elrohir, and a microsecond later,
Glorfindel, who was holding a butter knife and screaming like a
banshee. "Well.it is nice to see that Legolas has kept himself in shape."

Galadriel, delicately wiping a dollop of icing from her eye, shook her
golden head. "Perhaps, but Glorfindel is ten times cuter than
Legolas.I wonder if he knows that he's split his leggings?"

"Where's the food?" Haldir grumbled, frowning at the four Elves racing
about the room. "I didn't come all the way from Lorien to stare at
the Mirkwood jewels and the Gondolin moon."

Erestor, realizing that there was absolutely nothing he could do to
either stop Glorfindel from pounding the three younger Elves senseless
or salvage the rest of the evening, refilled his wine glass and drank
it down in one long gulp. Then, he refilled it again. And again. And
again. And again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor woke bleary eyed, groggy, and with a splitting headache from
all he had drunk the night before.likely Elrond's entire cellar, from
the feel of it.

Picking his head up gingerly from the table, he winced at the clotted
icing that stuck to his raven-black tresses. Looking around the room,
he saw that everyone else was in just as bad shape as he was, although
most of the others were in various states of undress. Evidently, he
had passed out before things got REALLY out of hand.

He found Glorfindel lying under a stack of naked Elves.namely Elladan,
Elrohir, and Legolas. Shaking his dark head, Erestor mumbled to
himself as he rolled Elf after Elf off Glorfindel's snoring, equally
naked form, noticing a black eye here, and a welt there. "Sigh. I
only hope he doesn't expect this type of party every year!"

The End