Title: Twice Baked
Author: TICS
Rated: PG (for pre-reincarnated sexual references)
Summary: Glorfindel ponders his return.
Genre: Humor


Twice Baked


"Oh, no.oh, please.someone tell me that this is some kind of
sick, twisted, ill conceived joke! It cannot be! I was just lounging
about in the Halls, minding my own business, and
suddenly.wham! I'm shrunk and stuck inside here like a
pickled egg! Shrunk.I'm shrunken.oh, Great Eru.oh, please
tell me you didn't shrink my.ARGH! Do you know how long it
took me to grow that thing the first time? ARGH! Look at it.it's
tiny! I had just gotten really good with the one I had.now I'll have
to start all over.

Doesn't killing a Balrog count for anything? Doesn't being a
self-sacrificing hero earn me any brownie points? Do I really
have to start all over from scratch? This is NOT fair.

I'd better not have to learn how to fight all over again. I'd better
pop out of here knowing everything I know now, or someone's
going to feel my foot up their arse! Yes, Mandos.I'm talking
about you! You had better not fudge this up, or I'll kill myself just
so that I can have a whack at you. I will not spend another
hundred years re-learning everything all over again! DO YOU
HEAR ME?

Sigh. I wonder who my parents will be this time. Last time, I
was born into nobility. The way my luck is running, this time I'll
probably be born to a pair of itinerant sheepherders. I do not
even LIKE wool.it makes me itch. Or it did.

Ugh.She's singing to me, and she's messing up the words!
LEARN THE WORDS! How do you expect me to grow up properly
educated if you make up the words to songs as you go along?
Honestly.itinerants, I just know it.

I wonder what Age it is? I wonder if that elleth I was seeing is still
available? She had lovely legs, as I recall. Hmm.why is it that
the thought of her legs doesn't quite do it for me anymore?
Maybe it's just too tiny to react.or else.oh.oh, Sweet
Elbereth.not that! Damn it.I had just about figured out what to
do with females.I have absolutely no idea what to do with
males! Damn it.

Do you have any other little surprises in store for me, Mandos?
Anything else about my life that you deemed necessary to
change for your own amusement? I suppose duck will no longer
be my favorite meal. I suppose I'll end up craving groundhog or
something equally heinous.

Oh, here we go. It's time.I remember this part. It isn't going to
be pleasant, either. ARGH! Yes, I remember being squeezed out
like a melon through the eye of a needle. Last time my head
was pointy for a month.

Sure, sure.go ahead - whack me on the butt. I remember that
part, too. Hello, how are you, nice to meet you, the pleasure is all
mine.now feed me, damn it!

Ugh. I'd forgotten how horrid milk tasted. I wish it were wine. I'd
even settle for a mug of mead. Blech.

You're not itinerant sheepherders, are you? No, you're dressed
too well, and you don't smell like wet wool. That's a blessing, at
least. Sigh. It's going to be a loooong hundred years until my
majority.

THE END