Title: Waste Not, Want Not
Author: TICS
Rated: PG13
Summary: Ficlet for the Little Balrog Group Challenge using the Plotbunny from Mordor Generator:
Hero: Glorfindel
Elleth: Eowyn (not an Elleth, btw, but.who really gives a damn)
Token of Love: wastebaskets
Evil To be Overcome: Cheesecake
Story Ends: Rumil says "These are NOT my pants."
Erestor opened the closet door, intended to put away his oils and brushes, having
just finished a lovely portrait of Glorfindel, nude, on black velvet. Instantly, he was
showered with dozens of white wicker wastebaskets.
"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!" he cried, trying to duck the deluge of white wicker. One landed
squarely on his head like a helmet.
Turning from the closet, still wearing his wastebasket headgear, he said, "Glorfindel!
Are you planning on opening a Bed, Bath, and Beyond? What in the name of Eru's
Green Arda are you doing with all these wastebaskets?"
"She keeps sending them to me. I don't want THEM, I don't want HER, but she won't
take a hint!" Glorfindel pouted, looking up from his issue of Reincarnated Weekly.
Erestor sighed, quite used to his beloved receiving gifts of all kinds from Ellith and
Ellyn alike. It went with the territory when you were bonded with a sex god.
"I suppose we can donate them to Good Will." Erestor said, piling the baskets in
neat, orderly stacks.
Glorfindel grunted, returning his attention to his magazine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eowyn, discouraged that her last gift of a lovely white wastebasket had gone
unacknowledged, knocked on Elrohir and Elladan's door.
"Eowyn.um.we.I mean..you." Elladan said, when he opened the door and
saw the visiting Shieldmaiden
"Oh, please.I'm not here because of you or your brother.you are SO last week!"
she huffed, flipping her hair and slipping past him into the bedroom. "I'm here to ask
your advice on something."
"Please, do come in," Elladan said sarcastically, since she'd already come in, sat
down, and helped herself to their box of chocolate covered cherries.
"I keep sending Glorfindel gifts, but he won't even acknowledge them! What can I
send him that will grab his attention away from that stuffy little librarian?"
Elladan looked at Elrohir. Elrohir looked at Elladan. This was just too good an
opportunity for mischief to pass up. They leaned their ebony haired heads close to
her ears, whispering. Eowyn's eyes lit up with a purely evil light as they whispered a
plan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning, a large, square box was delivered to Glorfindel via FedElf.
He could smell it the minute the courier placed it on the table. Signing for it, he
actually began to drool a bit as he approached the box.
"Erestor.my sweet, sweet Erestor.what have you sent your Glorybear this
time.Strawberry? Chocolate? Blueberry?" he wondered as he reached for the card
attached to the box.
**Dearest Glorfindel,
A little birdie - well, actually TWO little birdies - told me that you cannot resist
cheesecake. Since Rule 752 of the Imladris Etiquette Code clearly states that "the
recipient of a gift, who in any way, shape, or form uses said gift, is required, under
penalty of law to give the giver a gift of their choice" I will put in my request now. You
will meet me at midnight tonight, and make mad, passionate love to me.
Kindest Regards,
**Eowyn**
Gasping, Glorfindel dropped the card on the floor, backing away from the tantalizing
box on the table. The aroma of the evil Cheesecake wafted after him, causing his
saliva glands to go into overdrive, drool freely running down his chin.
His feet, of their own accord, inched closer to the table. Realizing that the box was
within his grasp, and that his greedy little fingers were reaching for it, Glorfindel
yanked himself away, giving a frustrated bellow as he did so.
Erestor poked his head in the room at Glorfindel's yell. "What's wrong? Did you stub
your toe again? I've told you time and time again to watch where you're walking, 'Fin!"
"It's not my toe, 'Restor.it's that damned Shieldmaiden again!"
"Not another wastepaper basket! Well, just add it to the collection, dear."
"No, Erestor! It's serious this time.she's sent.she's sent." Glorfindel's voice
trailed off as his attention was once more focussed on the box on the table.
Walking closer, Erestor's own nose picked up the scent of what lay in the box. "No!
She's sent cheesecake! That bitch!
"Can't.resist.the.lure.of.the.cheesecake." Glorfindel stammered, his
fingers resting on the white lid of the box.
"No, Glorfindel! Don't.don't do it! You're stronger than that! Don't let the cheesecake
win!" Erestor shouted, running toward him.
But Erestor was too late. By the time he had crossed the room, Glorfindel had
shoved a double handful of creamy white New York Style cheesecake into his mouth.
He had a look on his face that was both disgusted and satisfied - a hard combination
to achieve.
"No, 'Fin.do you know what you've done? You have to do as she asks, or you'll be
in direct violation of Rule 752 of the Imladris Etiquette Code!" Erestor moaned,
scooping out a handful of cheesecake for himself.
"Mmmff," Glorfindel said, reaching for more cheesecake.
"Mmmff?" Erestor asked, his mouth still full.
"Mmmff.mmmff," Glorfindel answered, now slurping cheesecake directly from the
box like a pig at a trough.
"It just might work." Erestor agreed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rumil, on vacation in Imladris from Lothlorien - actually, he was hiding out from his
brothers, having accidentally-on-purpose slept with both their current girlfriends - was
strolling down the hallway late that night, heading for the kitchens for a snack.
Suddenly, a shadowy figure that smelled strongly of cheesecake jumped out at him,
and knocked him over the head with a wicker wastebasket that had been filled with
cement. Rumil was out cold.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sigh." Eowyn murmured, kissing her lover on the forehead before rising and
re-dressing. It was very dark in the garden, but she'd know him anywhere - tall,
lighthaired, wearing those wonderful white satin leggings that she so loved to see him
in, hung like a bull (well, she'd imagined THAT part, but as it turned out, she was
right on the money). "Thank you so much, Glorfindel.now I can return to Edoras
with a lovely memory that will sustain me through the nights I'll have to spend with
the sweaty Horselords."
Happily, she dressed, leaving her lover to sit up, holding his head, wondering just
what the hell had happened. Picking up the pair of white satin leggings, Rumil
looked at them curiously, and said, "These are NOT my pants!"
END