Title: Glorfindel, Balrog Slayer
Authors: Vesta and IgnobleBard
Rating: PG-13 (very, very mild R)
Pairing: Erestor /Glorfindel?
Disclaimer: They do not belong to us, never have, never will.
Summary: Glorfindel likes Erestor
Warning: Bad Humor, AU!
A/N: Based off an idea that we rpg'd for fun. We couldn't help
ourselves. *snickers*

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
He was looking kind of dumb with his finger and his thumb
In the shape of an "L" on his forehead
~allstar by smashmouth~
(Lyrics changed for obvious reasons)



Glorfindel saw the Chief Councilor standing across the room, talking
to Elrond. The dark Elf was sipping a drink and Glorfindel could see
he was quite an eyeful. He stalked across the room, using his most
seductive walk, which might have worked had he not tripped over the
hem of another Councilor's robe, and fell flat on his face. He
sprung to his feet, trying to make the movement look like something
he had planned to do. Brushing himself off and straightening his
tunic, he sidled up to Erestor.

"You sure must be tired, Erestor, 'cause you've been running though
my mind all day." he said glibly.

Erestor raised an eyebrow at Glorfindel, "Excuse me?" He turned a
questioning gaze to Elrond who was trying not to smirk. "Did he
just say what I think he just said?"

At Elrond's nod, Erestor rolled his eyes and turned to Glorfindel
once again. "Don't you have something to do, like quit breathing my
air or something?" He turned away again, glaring at Elrond who was
still trying not to smirk.

Glorfindel leaned back a bit and took a deep breath, then he leaned
in close again. "Let's do breakfast tomorrow," he smiled, "should I
call you or nudge you?"

Erestor snorted and curled his lip up in a sneer. "Let's not and
say we did ok? Or even better yet, how about I send you a missive
as to when we CAN meet." At Glorfindel's triumphant smirk, he
mumbled, "Like THAT will ever happen." He sniffed haughtily and
made his way back to his office.

Glorfindel went back to his chambers waiting for the letter from
Erestor. The next day he cornered him again in the
libraries. "Looking for a love poem to add to your love letter to
me?" he asked, leaning on the stair railing. His hand slipped and he
nearly fell down the stairs.

"I have a good one for you, "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm
blue too, when I don't have you."

He put his arm around Erestor's shoulders and pulled him into a
companionable hug. "What say we quit this dust fest and tiptoe
through the tulips in the garden? I know a place off the beaten path
where we could be alone."

Erestor groaned and physically started to try and bang his head on
the balustrade.

"Why..must..it...be...me?" He glared up the blonde twit in front of
him and grabbed his hand bending back the fingers. "Lay your hand
upon me again and you will lose them, am I understood?"

He made his way past Glorfindel, his robes sweeping behind him and
went up to his rooms. Gods he needed a drink!

Glorfindel watched him go, and licked his lips. "I love when they
play hard to get." he grinned.

For the next few days, he haunted Erestor's footsteps, taking every
rebuff as proof that Erestor was into him. In the halls, in the
garden, and even in the stables, he hunted Erestor down and put the
moves on him. While riding out one day he turned to wave at Erestor,
who was giving him the love sign - his finger and thumb in the shape
of an "L" on his forehead - when he was knocked from his mount by a
low hanging tree branch.

As he sat up and rubbed at his head, looking for Erestor, he saw he
was nowhere to be found. Shaking his head and wincing, Glorfindel
thought, "If showing him my riding prowess does not impress him,
then perhaps I must woo him through other means.

He sat in the Hall of Fire a few days later, talking to Lindir.

"Have you noticed how Erestor always seems to be in the same place I
am these days?" he asked, tossing his impossibly perfect blond hair
as he spoke. "He acts aloof, but I know he just wants me to work for
it. Would you write a song for me to sing him? Something that shows
him exactly how I feel?"

Lindir looked at Glorfindel. "You are kidding me right, my
friend?" Lindir silently prayed that he was. He had never turned
down a request, but this was one he wished to not have to fulfill.

"Not at all." Glorfindel said airly. "I have the words, all I need
is a tune."

Lindir sighed and nodded, groaning to himself.

"His hair is black, his eyes are too. As black as a newly polished
shoe. His tiny hands wield a mighty pen. His red, red lips and pale,
pale skin, draw me in, make my head spin, is beyond my ken, when I'm
close to him. His voice more lyrical than any bard, makes the sword
in my pants grow exceedingly hard."

"Will you set that to music for me?" he asked eagerly. "I'll sing it
to him tonight."

Lindir lowered his head and shuddered. Erestor was going to kill
him. He silently nodded with tears in his eyes. He would have to
take ship after this.


That night as all assembled in the Hall, Glorfindel stepped proudly
up to the stage and sipped a glass of water. He swallowed wrong and
choked for a moment, hacking and coughing like a raven with the
croup until he finally got himself together.

"This one goes out to that dark-haired beauty with the bouncy booty,
Erestor."

He winked and pointed at Erestor. "You don't have to thank me, my
love." he said, seeing Erestor's reaction. "But you all will want to
thank my collaborator, Lindir! Come on," he urged, "give it up for
our minstrel. He's one of a kind."

He started a round of applause that trickled through the room as the
audience looked at each other with some confusion, not knowing
exactly what was happening. Glorfindel began to sing his song,
hitting some off-key notes and emphasizing the word "hard" with a
running flourish.

When he finished, he took a bow and hopped off the stage, falling to
his knees before Erestor. All eyes turned to them.

Lindir groaned and when attention was turned back to Erestor while
Glorfindel sang, he slipped to his rooms and started packing.
Erestor sat staring at Glorfindel with horror in his eyes. When
Glorfindel finished and kneeled in front of him, all he could do was
stare at the beautiful blonde nightmare before him.

He reached back to his braid for the ornate dagger he kept twined
within it. Other's thought it just a hair stick, but now they knew
his deep secret. He lifted it with a snarl and glared at Elrond
when he stopped him from slitting his own throat.

He stood his eyes glazing in shock and walked out of the room.

Glorfindel watched Erestor leave and looked at Elrond, his eyes
wide. "He was going to cut of his braids and give them to me as a
token. Why did you stop him, my lord?" He jumped up and ran after
Erestor shouting, "Wait, my love! I do not need any token from you
save a kiss!"

Elrond rolled his eyes as Glorfindel ran out, pinching the bridge of
his nose. He really hated migraine's. He looked up suddenly when
he heard a loud blood curdling scream.

Glorfindel was standing on a chair uttering an amazingly high-
pitched scream. "A spider!" he screeched. "Erestor, help!!"

Elrond and everyone else who was in the Hall of Fire watched
incredulously. This was Glorfindel the reborn Slayer of a Balrog,
warrior and killer of orcs and other nasties.

Erestor narrowed his eyes and then started grinning. Soon maniacal
laughter filled the hallway. He started dancing around gleefully.
He had the perfect way of keeping Glorfindel away from him.

Elrond sighed and stomped on the spider as Erestor ran away from
them, cackling.

Glorfindel nearly fainted with relief. He stepped down from the
chair, visibly shaken, holding onto Elrond's shoulder for
support. "Yes, I know, Balrog Slayer and all that." Glorfindel
sighed. "But spiders are so... icky." He stuck out his tongue out
and grimaced in distaste.

Looking around, he saw that Erestor had again disappeared. He went
to the councilor's chambers and knocked on the door. "Erestor, my
little love muffin. I hope I did not startle you too greatly. Come
out. You do not have to pretend with me. I know you want me."

Erestor grinned when he heard the knock. His eyes were gleaming
with madness as he opened the door. Sitting on his shoulder was a
large tarantula, it was fake, but still. He smiled sweetly at
Glorfindel.

Glorfindel jumped back, and pressed himself to the wall opposite the
door. "W-w-what is that?!" he stammered, his face going white.

Erestor batted his eyelashes prettily. "Why this is my best friend
Fuzzy. Isn't he just lovely? Would you like to pet him?" Erestor
stepped closer, picking up the fake spider and held it out to
Glorfindel.

Glorfindel cringed away, but then he looked more closely and began
to laugh until tears ran from his eyes. "A jest!" he cried
merrily, "You love to play your little games, don't you Erestor? He
took the councilor in his arms and waggled his eyebrows. "What other
games shall we play then?"

Erestor dropped the fake spider and his eyes filled with horror once
more. Soon they filled with tears. Why him? He started to
struggle away, kicking Glorfindel in the shin as he did so.

"Quit touching me!" He screeched shrilly.

He ran down the halls to his office, locking the door behind him and
then barricading all of his office furniture in it. He could only
hope that Glorfindel did not remember that he and Elrond's office's
were connected by a door.

Glrofindel sighed. "Not the chase game again." he said, frustrated.
He trotted down the hall and slipped into the room through Elrond's
office and stood with his back to the door. "Come to me, my lovely
one. Let the Balrog Slayer slay your lust." He leaned against the
doorframe, striking a pose and opening his arms wide.

Erestor's eyes opened wide, tears filling them. He started
mumbling, "No, no, no, no...not again. Why me? Why can't it be
someone else?" He backed up to a wall and then slid down it,
staring at Glorfindel.

"Why you?" Glorfindel said, sensing something was amiss from
Erestor's posture on the floor where he sat crumpled and near
tears. "You mean you... you don't really want me?" he asked
disbelievingly.

Erestor sighed, he truly did not wish to hurt Glorfindel. He shook
his head and stood. "Look Glorfindel, you aren't my type ok? No
offense."

"Type?" Glorfindel said, stunned. "Why what do you mean? I'm
beautiful, I'm blond, there's not an Elf in Imladris who would not
be mine, but it's you I want, Erestor. He took a step forward,
hesitated, then stopped. "But never let it be said that I can not
take a hint."

He turned gallantly to leave. "Farewell, Erestor, I shall trouble
you no more." He exited the room, then stuck his head back in. "Hey,
that rhymed. That gives me an idea for a new song!" and he scurried
off.

Erestor felt a sigh of relief well up within him, but that hope was
dashed when Glorfindel mentioned another song. He turned to face
the wall his back was at and started banging his head on it. He
heard a snort and turned to glare at Elrond.

"Why don't you just let him bed you once, tell him it will only
happen that one time, and then he must move on." Erestor's eyes
opened wide.

"You have GOT to be kidding me!" He yelled.

Elrond raised an eyebrow. Erestor sighed and hung his head. "Do
you think that would truly work?"

The next day, Glorfindel was wandering down the hall, humming a tune
and scratching out and rewriting words on a sheet of parchment when
he came across Erestor. "The song is shaping up nicely. I hope to
debut it for you tonight in the Hall of Fire. Will you come?" he
asked. He looked at Erestor hopefully.

Erestor was about to retort with an insult, but remembered Elrond's
words. Oh this was so humiliating. He didn't want to be
embarrassed in front of everyone. Why not save face?

He plastered on a smile, "Better yet, why do you not join me in my
rooms for dinner and you can sing it to me then?" He tried to keep
the look of mortification off his face, suddenly needing a glass of
wine to wash the bad taste out of his mouth.

Glorfindel lit up at the suggestion. "But of course, Erestor. I knew
it was only a matter of time before you gave in. You are in for a
treat!" he clapped Erestor on the shoulder and practically skipped
away with glee.

Erestor stumbled forward at the force of the slap on his shoulder
and slammed into the wall. Damn him! He shuddered. What did he
just get himself into? He made his way to the kitchen's and ordered
their dinner and then went to his rooms to make ready. He donned
his oldest and ugliest robes, didn't bother redoing his braids and
drank a whole bottle of wine in one breath.

At the appointed time, Glorfindel knocked on the door. When Erestor
opened it, he found the golden warrior dressed elegantly, his
unbound hair like finely spun gold. He entered and caught Erestor in
his arms, bear-hugging him and kissing him hard.

"How good of you to ask me over." he said.

He went to pour them both a glass of wine but broke the cork off in
the bottle and spent the next few minutes digging it out. He handed
Erestor a glass with many tiny cork bits floating in it and took a
seat. "Well," he said casually, "here we are then."

Erestor worked hard at not stiffening in his arms. When handed his
wine, he glared distastefully into it. When Glorfindel wasn't
looking he dumped it into one of his plants. He stared at
Glorfindel trying not to wipe his lips off. "Yeah, here we are."

He shuddered visibly.

Glorfindel took a sip of his wine, made a face, then stuck his
finger and thumb into his mouth and removed a piece of cork. "A
pithy vintage." he said. He moved over so that he was sitting next
to Erestor. He yawned and stretched, his arm coming down to drape
over Erestor's shoulders but his sleeve caught in one of Erestor's
braids and he tugged it sharply trying to pull it loose. "Just a
minute," he muttered. "Almost done." He extricated his sleeve and
pulled Erestor to him. "So, what changed your mind about me?" he
asked.

Erestor tried to keep himself calm. He took a deep breath, closing
his eyes and counting to ten first in Sindarin and then in Quenya,
just for good measure. He turned his head and sneered a
smile. "Oh, I have not changed my mind. I wanted to give you a
chance not to die. I will give myself to you willingly once. Only
once. But you must agree to leave me alone after that."

Glorfindel grinned knowingly. "Ah, if I had a silver penny for every
time I've heard that... I'd be able to give you my two cents." He
laughed uproariously and pounded Erestor on the back."Get it?"

Erestor growled and then sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose,
he felt a headache coming on. This was a mistake. He made to
stand, "Maybe you should just go. I don't think..."

"Nonsense." Glorfindel insisted. "I guarantee that once you go Glory
you never are sorry." He leaned over and blew out the candle on the
table...

**********************************************

Erestor groaned and stretched deliciously, Anor's rays were shining
brightly through his balcony windows. He turned to look at the Elf
lying next to him, snoring loudly. Glorfindel. He narrowed his
eyes. Glory was right. Now, all he had to do was teach him to not
talk. Ever. And he would be so perfect. Who knew someone could do
THAT with his tongue?


~the end~