Title: We're Having a Heatwave
Author: Zhie
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Don't own them, just playing.
Summary: What happens when Elrond is not in the valley to control the heat
of summer?
Characters: Celebrian, Arwen, Elladan, Elrohir, Erestor, Glorfindel
Warnings: some slash discussion and threats of selling children to gypsies,
plus Elladan being gross -- I would suggest not eating/drinking while
reading this unless you have monitor wipies handy
Notes: All three of the younglings, Arwen, Elladan, and Elrohir, are adults,
however, they are not acting it (because... it's hot... ick...); part of the
PPB universe but enjoyable without knowing it
Dedicated to: Dark Dreamer and the bloody heat we're dealing with



"Is he home yet?"

"No."

"Is he home yet?"

"No."

"Is he home YET?!"

"Elladan," sighed his mother, "you would do better to save your energy and
stop complaining. Adar said he would be home in just a few days and that he
would bring with him a good, fresh burst of wind."

"Next time he goes to visit Cirdan, can you please steal the ring from him
first?" begged Elrohir.

It was too hot inside, and too hot outside. It was just too damned hot, of
that everyone agreed. Many were cooling themselves off in the river or
anywhere that they could find water, while others were keeping in the shade.
Even the basement was muggy, forcing Erestor and Glorfindel out of their
office and onto the balcony with Celebrian and her complaining children, all
three of whom were acting less like adults by the minute.

"We could walk to the river," suggested Arwen, who was sitting beside the
stone wall that was only a few feet high and encircled the balcony. A bowl
of chopped melon was sitting next to her, but she had whined after it was
brought that she had not the strength to even eat, much to the exasperation
of her mother.

The twins had not even bothered to put on shirts that morning, choosing to
dress in loose pants that tied at the waist and cut off at the knee. Arwen
was wearing a sleeveless nightgown, part of the reason she was staying
somewhat concealed upon the balcony.

Even Celebrian found she was affected, and spent most of the day fanning
herself off when not breaking up fights between the children. "You really
should know better," she heard herself saying more than once that week.

In a chair with his feet propped up, Erestor was trying most miserably to
read, but he spent more time wiping sweat from his brow than turning the
pages of the book. It was only Glorfindel who looked a little at ease, but
he could not fool anyone in the attire he wore -- loose britches like the
twins, and nothing more.

Elladan sat up, for he and his brother were sprawled upon blankets. Reaching
for a glass of water that was nearby, he paused and asked, "What in the name
of the dark lord are you wearing?"

"Elladan, such language!" scolded Celebrian as Erestor looked up from his
reading.

"This?" Erestor lifted the hem of the garment with his fingers. "It is just
a cote; I only added a sash to it for a belt."

"You look ridiculous," remarked Elladan.

"Elladan!" Celebrian swatted her eldest with her fan.

Elrohir had sat up now as well and squinted, for he had been dozing off.
"Looks like an ugly dress."

"Elrohir!" Another swat.

From his perch on the edge of the balcony, Glorfindel came as ever to
Erestor's defense. "Long tunics were very popular during the first age. Very
comfortable, too, especially in heat like this." Just as Erestor offered the
slayer a thankful smile, Glorfindel continued with, "You wearing anything
under that?"

"Fin!" Unable to reach, Celebrian threw the fan, missing Glorfindel's head
by a few inches.

"It was an honest question!" countered Glorfindel. "I am deeply interested
in other people's choices of undergarments, or lack thereof!"

Both of the ellyth and Erestor brought their legs up and tucked the fabric
of their various articles of clothing so that Glorfindel could not sate his
apparent hobby, while the twins simply gave the blond an odd look. "I know!"
said Glorfindel suddenly. "Let us play a game!"

"We are NOT playing what is everyone wearing under their clothes," Celebrian
told her cousin, narrowing her eyes at him.

"But it is one of your favorites!" he answered, making all three of the
peredhel grin, and even Erestor chuckled.

Celebrian gave him a look that might have made Elrond cringe, but the slayer
only continued to smile. "Alright. A game. Who is up for Eye-Spy?"

A round of groans came from the twins and Arwen, but Celebrian continued
despite this. "I Spy, with my little eye, something that is red."

When no one said anything for a bit, Elladan moaned and then said, "My
eyeballs... bleeding from the heat..."

"Elladan Elrondion, that is quite enough!" Celebrian reprimanded as Arwen
asked, "Can someone's eyeballs really bleed from the heat?" Her naivety at
having only just reached her majority was evident, and her brothers milked
it while they could.

"I have seen eyeballs burst from the skulls of men who were overcome with
heat," Elladan said quickly, moving away from his mother before she could
swat him.

"Once more, Elladan, and I will send you inside!" warned Celebrian.

"Aiya! If you send me inside, you condemn me to death!" he whined, dropping
to the ground in a heap.

Looking across the balcony to Erestor, and then Glorfindel, Celebrian said,
"I have a trio of-"

"No," spoke Erestor before she could finish. "I am not in the market today
for any free children."

"Awww, but we love you Erestor," Elrohir said, walking upon his knees over
to Erestor. "And unlike our father, you have not abandoned us." Elrohir sat
down beside the chair and rested his head on the cushioned footrest. "Ooo,
you could read to us."

"Hmm?" Erestor glanced over the pages of the book in his hand. "What was
that?"

"Yes, Erestor," insisted Arwen, echoing Elrohir's sentiments. "Read to us,
please!" She relinquished her spot at the wall to sit down on the other side
of Erestor. Elladan crawled over on his hands and knees, drooping down near
Erestor's feet. "We love it when you read to us."

"Uhm... today is really too hot for reading," he said, slipping the book
behind his back and the cushion of the chair.

"But you were just reading!" complained Arwen.

Erestor had to think for a moment before answering with, "Well... yes, yes I
was, but that book is too boring for any of you to care to listen to."

"You never read boring stuff," argued Elladan without sitting up. "We will
listen! 'Tis too hot to do anything else!"

Clearing his throat to buy time, Erestor said, "Actually, that was not my
book, that was someone else's----it was Glorfindel's book, I brought it up here
for him."

"Huh? But you were..." Elrohir trailed off, trying to make sense of it. On
the balcony, Glorfindel was trying to make sense of things, too.

"What book?" he asked when everything got quiet.

"Right! So," Erestor said, clapping his hands together and then rubbing his
palms against one another, "we want to play a game. What sort of game shall
we play?"

"I want to play 'Make Father Come Home NOW'," grumbled Elladan from his heap
on the floor.

Elrohir let out a long, pitiful sigh. "All we can think of is the heat."

"Alright, then. We shall play a game that has to do with the heat then,"
said Erestor. "We shall play, 'It's Hotter Than'."

Arwen made a noise that sounded something like a growl. "Why would we play a
game that has to do with the heat?"

"Because... if we do not find something for the three of you to do soon,
your mother may well sell you to the gypsies," reasoned Erestor. The trio of
peredhil turned around and looked at their mother, who simply nodded with
almost a smile.

Looking back to Erestor, Arwen said, "Why do you care if we are sold to
gypsies? You woll not even read a story to us."

"I care because I shall be the one to explain it to your father, for your
mother most likely will take herself back home to Lothlorien where it is
always much cooler than this," Erestor said. "Now, if you please. The rules
to this game are simple. We all go around and say what it is hotter than,"
explained the counselor.

"That makes no sense," mumbled Elladan from his pile of himself on the
ground.

"It certainly does, if you would give me a chance," replied Erestor,
somewhat frustrated now himself. "If I say 'It is hotter than the fires of
Mount Doom', then the next person could say, 'It is hotter than an oven', or
something like that. We all just take turns about it."

"Bor-ring," sang Elladan from the ground.

Elrohir nodded. "I will give it a go. It is hotter than the stables in
June."

"It is hotter than the pottery kiln," Arwen said.

"It is hotter than... the blacksmith's forge," Elrohir answered.

Arwen scrunched her nose a little as she thought. "It is hotter than
Asfaloth's hooves," she settled on.

"Nice one," complimented Glorfindel.

From the floor, Elladan snickered and snorted, and then sat up. "I got one!
Alright, I got-" He snorted again. "I got one."

"Go ahead," Erestor said cautiously.

"It is hotter than... a balrog's arse!" Elladan fell over upon himself,
laughing and chortling on the floor.

"No, not really," said Glorfindel from the balcony. "Balrog asses are five
times worse than this heat at least."

Giving a disgruntled sigh from the floor, Elladan sat up again. "Fine. What
about a balrog's balls? How hot are those?"

"Elladan! Please!" Celebrian shouted. "I am going to tell your father
everything you have said here today, and these last weeks, when he returns!"

"Go ahead- he will laugh!" Elladan said with a shrug of his shoulders. "As
if I care- when he is back, it will be cool, tell him I said 'balrog arse'
and 'balrog balls'. Let us add 'Balrog rectum' to the list for good
measure."

"That is quite enough!" Celebrian began to stand, but as she did, a breeze
wisped through her hair. "Is that..." She turned her head, and everyone came
to the balcony ledge where Glorfindel was sitting.

"Look. Rain," said the blond elf, holding out his hand so that a few drops
fell onto his palm.

"How in Arda... it was just a cloudless sky a few minutes ago," Arwen said
in awe. The rain began to fall, faster and faster, until the rejoicing
shouts could be heard from below.

Because of the canopy, the water was not getting to those on the balcony, so
the siblings raced back into the house, no doubt with plans to go back
outside into the courtyard. Celebrian followed, offering motherly advice to
them about putting on some regular clothing.

Leaning on the balcony and looking over the edge, Erestor said to
Glorfindel, "Funny how there were no clouds just a little while ago."

"I thought the same." Glorfindel turned his head and winked. "So, where is
my book?"

"Your what?" questioned Erestor with a puzzled look.

"My book- the one you brought up here for me. Ah, there it is," Glorfindel
said, marching back to the chair. Erestor raced back, plopping down so that
he was sitting on the book. "Excellent! I shall retrieve my book, and answer
my question regarding your undergarments at the same time!"

As Glorfindel began to playfully lunge forward, Erestor hastily retrieved
the book, and held it out. His cheeks were fast becoming crimson. "Tell no
one," he hissed as Glorfindel took possession of the little book.

The slayer's eyes widened slightly as he opened to the title page. "What an
interesting selection for someone with your tastes," he observed.

"Research. I like to know a little about every topic," Erestor said,
averting his gaze.

"Yes, and same gender sexual positions comes up often in everyday
conversation," remarked Glorfindel. "You know," he said, flipping through
the pages, "if you want to do any REAL research-"

"The book will do just fine for me, thank you," Erestor said, still looking
away, cheeks glowing pink.

Glorfindel set the book down in Erestor's lap, and the counselor immediately
hid it in his pocket. "Well, at least I know what was causing it to be so
hot around here," he said with a smirk as he left.

END